Understanding dogs really comes down to just one thing, meeting their needs from their perspective and not ours. We have to think about their needs as a dog and how those needs differ from what we are currently doing for them. To accomplish this, we have to understand how they function in the wild and what that will mean for them when they live behind our walls, as pets.
Energy
Dogs’ noses have evolved to be their best survival tool. This is why they sniff everything, to better understand the world and to know what they are dealing with. The way that dogs meet you is by reading your energy through your scent. Since they can’t understand your words, they have no other choice but to rely on your energy and your body language for information.
Your energy projection (state of mind / mood) is a reflection of your current mental state and your body language is an extension of your thoughts. Since your thoughts shape your self image and your beliefs, the actions that you carry out are representative of how you feel, mentally.
Physically, too, but the way you feel physically also affects how you feel mentally. It affects what you are willing to do and how well you are able to do it.
So, the way that you interact with your dog tells her an important thing about you at any given time. It tells her your mental strength, which identifies her position within your pack. Since dogs are pack-animals, this is essential information because her survival depends on it.
There are only two relevant positions within a pack. A leader and the followers. Your position is reevaluated at each moment your energy is present. Once your energy no longer meets her level of trust that you are in a mentally strong state of mind, she becomes the pack leader out of necessity. And she will be impossible to control until your mental state changes.
The good thing is, you can use her ability (to read you) to better understand yourself, because a dog’s energy speaks of your own energy. If you’re projecting excited energy, she will become hyperactive. If you’re projecting unsure energy, she will become nervous. If you’re projecting calm energy, she will become relaxed. If you’re projecting weak energy, she will become dominant.
So, if your dog is taking over your life, it’s for a reason. And you can use her behavior as an opportunity to check your mental state and make any improvements. Not just for her but for your own future as well. There can always always be room for improvement. Ultimately, if you ever want to change your dog’s behavior, the change will have to start with you.
Leadership
When you get your dog, the most important thing you can do is gain her trust and her respect as soon as possible, so it relieves her from the obligation of becoming your leader. If your dog doesn’t see you as her leader, she will want to take responsibility for all of her needs. Which will translate to anxiety → frustration → aggression.
To gain her trust you have to meet her needs and to gain her respect you have to provide leadership. What are the needs of a dog? Survival. Which means food, safety, and purpose. Addressing the pack’s needs is the job of a good leader. When a dog is fulfilled, there will not be any reason for bad behaviors.
That said, you cannot provide good leadership with the wrong energy. Wrong energy being soft, weak, or tense energy. These would be a reflection of your mental state when you are sad, tired, unsure, frustrated, etc. Your dog will not only know but she will not be able to take you seriously, even if she wanted to. They are wired to follow only one type of energy.
The right energy means having purposeful intentions executed in a calm, assertive, way. To achieve leadership you have to be seen as an authority figure. To do that you have to provide discipline, which is made up of rules, boundaries, and limitations. Only then will you be seen as the dominant one, and only then will you have a dog who listens to you.
When providing discipline you’ll need patience, because a dog (especially a puppy) will need a lot of repetition and consistency for her to learn the patterns of discipline. A change in behavior, and learning something new, requires repetition.
Exercise
When your dog is tired she will be much easier to discipline. Most bad dog behaviors can be removed by providing enough exercise. Not just enough exercise for you, but enough for her. Removing your dog’s excess energy reduces the potential for misbehaviors and because you are providing her with a way to feel good, she will not be anxious.
Each breed has different energy levels that you should take into account when planning for exercise. Their energy levels will affect the length of time that they can be at rest before they need to be active again.
To achieve balance, dogs need exercise in both forms, physical and mental. It’s harder for us to give them mental exercises but they are more effective in tiring a dog than physical exercises.
Playtime = mostly physical activity
Walk = some physical & some mental activity
Training / learning / figuring out = mostly mental activity
It’s important to note that playtime and going for a walk are two different things for a dog. Playtime may appear as if it would drain her energy more but she will have a harder time settling afterwards than if you had taken her on a walk. Playtime represents and encourages excitement and excited energy. Excited energy is not stability. Calmness is stability.
Going for a walk represents a more natural behavior for them. It’s more relatable to their behavior in the wild, like searching for food and traveling. Traveling represents moving forward, playtime does not. Going for a walk involves more of their senses, focus, and purpose.
For a dog, excitement is the anticipation of the possibility of meeting a desire. This will be anything else other than lying down. Which means, not being able to do what she wants will promote some anxiety, unless she is tired.
These are possible paths to a dog’s behavior. Your job, as the pack leader, is to intercept any states besides calmness by providing enough exercise (and discipline).
We might think excitement is good because we like how it makes us feel when we are excited about something, but an excited dog is much closer to a misbehaving dog or an out of control dog, than to a calm, peaceful dog. Also, they don’t have the ability to regulate their level of excitement at will. Especially, if we encourage the behavior by giving them affection when they’re excited.
Affection
Providing affection will nurture your dog’s current state of mind. Whether that state of mind is good or bad. If your dog is whining she is anxious about something. If you don’t want to reinforce anxiety, or other unwanted behaviors, don’t give her affection when she is doing something you don’t want her to repeat.
Just by acknowledging her whining, it can be seen as affection since we do that by talking. When we talk, we project our energy through our voice. If your voice tone is meant to be reassuring, (“It’s okay, I’ll be right there”) your energy is providing affection. Ignoring is the best way to not provide affection accidentally or, at the wrong time, when her mind is not calm.
You should only give affection when she is in a calm state of mind. Like when she is lying down or not excited in any way. This will reinforce that relaxation and calmness gets rewarded. It may be true that her anxiety is a need that she wants you to address but do it when she calms down. This way, she will not associate your attention with the reason that she whines.
She will settle on her own in a few minutes, because anxiety is draining and she can’t keep it going for long. But, her need still has to be addressed at some point, otherwise her anxiety will transform into other bad behaviors that you don’t want.
Once she trusts that you are capable of meeting her needs, she will be able to relax and become truly happy. Providing good leadership will not only help her be more balanced but it’s better for her than affection is. And it’s the best way to show how much you love her.
Even if your dog has already been a part of your family for a while and you haven’t been the best leader, she can adjust very easily. It’s the beauty of dogs, living in the moment. We should be so lucky. But this means you can become a better leader starting right now, and not just set an example for your dog but become an example for others too.
