Why You Cannot Grow Without Introspection

Before we talk about introspection, let’s explore what growth is and why anyone would choose it.

Growth

Growth is an effect of change.  It can also be defined as progress (although, not always for the better).  In nature, it usually means the transition of something from small to big.

For us though, it can mean a lot more.  On the surface, it’s the same transition from small to big.  But, behind the scenes, it’s personal growth and personal development.  Which involves changing the brain.  And changing the brain allows for the “growing” of the mind.

The paradox is that we need the mind to do it.  But a mind that hasn’t grown yet won’t know that it can grow and it won’t understand that growth can change the brain.  In order for that change to take place, the brain needs new information and it needs to learn.

But, even if learning anything new is growth at some level, not everything that we learn changes who we are.  What we are talking about here is a much deeper, different type of learning.  The willingness to explore our thoughts and behaviors, and the desire to improve them. But what drives people to want to grow?

Motivation

At the root, it comes down to not having enough control over how their life is unfolding.  Recognizing that what they are currently doing isn’t enough to live the life that they want.  And, because they see the value in growing, they see that it’s possible, and they believe that they are capable of more.

Reasons that motivate people to change their life are health, finance, dating, relationships, and purpose.  Learning more about each gives you access to get a life that’s better than the one you have now, or to live the life that you really want.  No matter the reason, you cannot go wrong with knowing more.

In the meantime, each of us can only live life by what we currently know, and not by what there is yet to learn.

Knowledge 

Not only “you don’t know what you don’t know”, but you actually can’t comprehend what you could know.  And the scale of what you could do with that knowledge is also missing.  I hope that makes sense because it’s a big part of growing.  Accepting that given all you already know, there is always more to know.

To paint a better visual, not knowing what you don’t know is similar to the difference between an average person and an expert, or a teenager and an adult.  I particularly like the last example because teenagers tend to think that they know enough.  I know I used to.

Suddenly comprehending what you didn’t yet know, can seem untrue or even unreal.  But it’s neither.  It’s just more knowledge and more experience.  And both can be acquired.

Insight

It’s easy enough to say whether you do or don’t like something but it’s much harder to explain why.  We don’t consciously think about what the brain does, we just go along with it.  We trust that it’s for a good reason and we leave it at that.  But then, when you want to know why, things are more difficult to figure out.

Like riding a bike.  We know how to ride them, but understanding why we are able to is much more involved.  Or if we look at attraction as an example.  There are features and character traits that people are attracted to. But, if you asked them why, they probably wouldn’t be able to tell you.

This is what happens when you try to get a deeper understanding of the world.  It gets a lot more complicated, but also more interesting and more rewarding.  Once you understand more things, the more sense everything else makes.  Because, the information is all there, and there is a fact as to why anything happens.

Like, what makes you who you are.  Physically, it’s genetics.  But, mentally, it’s pretty much all environmental.  By “mentally” I don’t mean your learning capability, I mean your thoughts and behaviors.  And how your environment played a huge role in the way that you see the world and yourself in it.

Environmental conditioning is the result of things that you observed, learned, or were exposed to.  This conditioning created brain patterns that are with you today.  Learning to rewire those patterns means you have a say in what happens next and who you will be in the future.

Because, even though we have many instinctual and learned behaviors that help us, we have some that really don’t.  And, any behavior that isn’t helpful, is not worth repeating.  So, if you ever want to change your behaviors or understand why you (and others) react to life in various ways, that’s where introspection comes in.

But, before you can change, first you have to understand who you are changing from.

Introspection 

“The examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes”.  A mental process is any function that your mind is capable of.  An emotional process is a mental function that evolved to allow us to react to life without rationalizing.  Faster reactions are sometimes necessary for survival.

Additionally, emotions allow us to connect with all facets of our lives and give meaning to memories, relationships, choices, facts, and everything else.

Examining these mental and emotional processes will allow you to better understand yourself and others, and it will enable you to enhance your current processes.  Doing so will give you a better understanding, a better perspective, a better mindset, and an overall stronger mental health.

All of these combined will give you better results in all areas of your life.  Introspect → Improve yourself → Improve your life.  If you’re on the path of learning about yourself and changing your life, these are the categories worth exploring.

Mental Health

Since your thoughts shape your self image and your abilities, they also form your mental health.  Your mental health is responsible for your motivation, your decisions, your reactions, and your results.

If your thoughts are negative, your state of mind will need an improvement because negative thoughts create negative results or no progress, which is also a negative result.  But it may as well be reverse-progress since you’re not getting any younger.

It’s good to be aware of your thoughts at all times so you can check and redirect the ones that aren’t helpful, because they will prevent you from succeeding.

Emotional Intelligence

Where your mental health provides the conditions for your thoughts and behaviors, emotional intelligence gives you the ability in which you understand and are able to control your emotions.  Since your emotional health is the effect of your mental health, strengthening your mental health will also give you power over your emotional health.

Improving your emotional health will allow you to make better decisions, without being impulsive.  This will also enhance your interactions with everyone around you, especially if you have kids.  Emotional health provides consistency, structure, and stability.

Insecurities

Insecurities come from a negative self-image built by negative thoughts and are the main ingredients of self-sabotage.  Not only do they hold you back from reaching your full potential, but they weigh you down at every opportunity.

Your insecurity is only your perspective.  It isn’t reality.  Even if you feel judged by the things that make you insecure, the fact that you might be judged doesn’t remove your ability to overcome your insecurity or to overcome your perspective.  You are taking that away from yourself by holding the wrong perspective.

The best way to get around insecurities is to find evidence that your perspective is inaccurate.  Either by observing others that are succeeding with the same “disadvantage” that you have, or by showing yourself that the disadvantage isn’t enough to keep you from your goal.

In life, the things that keep you from succeeding are thoughts, not inabilities.

Characteristics

Parents

Parents aren’t really a direct characteristic of you but they can be an indirect one.  Especially if one parent is absent.  Parents are the biggest influence on a person’s development and their mental health.  Not only because they’re the closest source of information but because a baby is constantly absorbing the parents’ behaviors.

Observing your parents today, gives you the best connection to your own behaviors.  I’m sure you have already noticed that while most of their behaviors are useful, some are definitely not.  Strangely (or conveniently), it’s much harder to notice those behaviors in ourselves.

Only child / Sibling

Being an only child will only have the influence of the parents, but having siblings also plays a major role in a person’s development.  It helps to learn about those effects too, so you can draw comparisons and have a vantage point.

Introvert / Extrovert 

This will also help you understand why you are the way that you are.  Not why you are an introvert or an extrovert but why you like to keep to yourself vs being social.  There is nothing wrong with either, but being aware of it will help you embrace the side that you’re on.  And it will help you tune your future in the right direction.

Intuition

“The unconscious ability to create links between information.”  Intuition is very useful in life. So, if you don’t trust yours or haven’t learned to use it to help you, you should.  Unfortunately, learning to trust your intuition is more about learning to trust yourself and you can only do that if you believe in yourself.  The good news is, as you come to understand who you are and as you grow, your intuition will reveal itself.

Position

Leader / Follower

Realizing your position will help you understand your history and the decisions you have been making up until now.  The fact that you are here and improving yourself makes you a leader.  It takes courage to face your inner self and to try and improve it.  Only leaders move forward and make changes even when they don’t need to.  Setting an example is the definition of leading.

Purpose

Giver / Taker

Finding your purpose will help you understand where you’re headed.  Are you fulfilled, contributing to a cause, making a difference?  Or are you taking what you can get out of life without giving back?  Whether you are living life with a purpose or not, time will pass either way.

Vision

Growth Mindset / Fixed Mindset

Examining your current life-progress will explain if you’ve been growing or not.  Maybe you’re learning new things all the time but they’re just not things that can help you change your life.  Maybe your mindset is preventing you from seeing the value in the things that you’re learning or it’s preventing you from seeing the value of change.

Change 

You may have noticed that good mental health is necessary for change, for any type of accomplishment, and for life fulfillment.  In order to be able to set goals, follow through, and enjoy the process, you have to feel good about them before you even get started.  Or you’re not likely to want to learn new things and make changes.

If you want a better life, you have to believe that it’s available to you, that you’re able to obtain it, and that you deserve it.  Otherwise, all possibilities remain a fantasy.  If you don’t believe that change will bring you growth and that growth will bring you fulfillment, it can’t transfer to your reality.

To become the best version of yourself, not only you have to seek out and choose to learn things that can change you but you also have to choose to participate in situations that will make you the product of change.  Because, the possibility of who you can ultimately be relies on who you are willing to become along the way. And, like anything in life, you can only get back what you’ve put into it.